I said this to a friend in the second week after my first: “I’m constantly leaking or covered in spit-up, so what’s the point of trying?” In the first weeks after each of my three, I leaked whenever a baby cried, including other people’s babies, including on the television. It felt like a reason to wear black and stay in. It was not. It was a reason to dress in a particular way for a few weeks, and then it mostly stopped.

This is the plain guide: what leaking is and why it happens, when it is most common and when it tends to settle, and the eight clothing hacks that kept it off my day. None of them is a nursing top. A note before we start: I am a mama, not a lactation consultant, so if leaking comes with pain, heat, a hard lump or a fever, that is a call to your midwife or a lactation consultant today, not a wardrobe question.

What is happening, and when it settles

Leaking is your let-down reflex working without a baby attached. Hearing a cry, thinking about the baby, a warm shower, a full chest between feeds: any of these can trigger it in the early weeks while your supply is still finding the level your baby needs. It is most common in the first few weeks and at night, and for most of us it eases as supply settles, often within a couple of months, though some mamas leak on and off for longer and that is normal too.

It is not a sign of too much or too little milk. It is a sign that everything is switched on.

1. Nursing pads, and a spare pair in every bag

Disposable pads with a waterproof backing for going out; reusable cotton or bamboo ones for home and for the planet. Change them when they are damp, not when they are soaked, because a damp pad against the skin for hours is how soreness starts. Keep a spare pair in the changing bag, the car and the coat pocket. Nursing pads are the cheapest thing on this list and the one you will use most.

2. A bra that holds a pad and opens with one hand

A wireless nursing bra with a soft cup that holds a pad flat, clips that open with one hand, and a band that does not dig. For the night, a soft sleep bra that does the same job lying down. Try bras on at the end of the day when you are fullest. Avoid underwire in the early weeks, because a wire pressed against a full breast is uncomfortable at best; if you love a wired bra, it can come back once things settle.

From the capsules

The Soft Landing Capsule

Twenty soft pieces, twenty-five outfits for the first weeks home, every one opening for a feed. $14.99 once, yours to keep.

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3. The dark tank under a pale top

A black clip-down nursing tank under a white shirt or an ivory tee is the hack that let me wear pale colours again. The tank is where the mark goes; the top stays clean. It is also the second layer that catches what the pad misses. This is the one piece on the list I would always buy new.

4. Fabrics that forgive

Mid-weight cotton jersey hides a small damp patch; thin pale jersey turns it into a map. Brushed cotton and flannel shirts, fine knits, linen in summer. Avoid silk and thin viscose near the chest in the leaking weeks; both show everything and neither likes the washing machine. The best fabrics in a breastfeeding wardrobe is the long version.

5. Collection shells on the other side

Soft silicone milk collection shells sit in the bra on the side you are not feeding from and catch the let-down instead of the pad. They are worth it in the early weeks when the other side leaks every feed, and the milk can be kept if you want it. They do not fit under a tight top, so they are for home and the loose shirt days.

6. Prints and dark colours near the chest

A small print on a dark ground hides a damp patch better than anything plain, and navy, black, espresso and forest green hide it better than grey. Pale grey is the one colour I would keep away from the chest while you are leaking; a wet patch on it is visible from across the room. Pale colours are still allowed, with the dark tank under them.

7. A spare top in the bag, always

A folded tee or a second tank in the changing bag, the car and the pram basket. Not for the baby; for you. The day you need it you will be very glad, and the day you do not it weighs nothing. A muslin in the same pocket does for the small catches.

8. The scarf that covers and lifts

A large soft scarf over the shoulder covers a mark you did not catch in time, covers a feed on a bench, and puts the one kind colour near your face on a day you otherwise wore black. It is the cheapest thing in the bag and the one that rescued more outings than any top I own.

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The things that are not clothes

Feed or pump before you go out, so you leave with less to leak. If you feel a let-down starting at the wrong moment, firm pressure with your forearm across the chest for a few seconds often stops it. Drink and eat; leaking is not a reason to cut back on either. And keep your sense of humour about it, because the stage passes and the stories are good later.

For soreness, cracked nipples, a hot red patch or a fever, that is your midwife or a lactation consultant, today. Clothes do not fix those and nobody should wait on them.

The leaking weeks are short and they feel long. I dressed through them three times in a dark tank, a shirt, a pad, a scarf and a spare top in the bag, and I looked like myself the whole way, which I did not expect the first time. A wet patch is a thing that happens, not a thing that decides the day.

If you are in the first weeks right now, the Soft Landing Capsule is twenty-five outfits for exactly this stage, soft, open, dark where it matters and dressed enough for the door, laid out and then worn, with three pictures of you in them on the house. Nursing-friendly loungewear for the first weeks is the free list. And if you want someone who knows your closet to pick the dark-tank-and-shirt each morning until the leaking settles, that is Anah inside the Atelier.

Pad in, tank on, spare in the bag. The focus is on you, mama.