A mama at the baby group said it about the registry list, and we all laughed because it was true: “I feel guilty spending money on clothes for a body that might change again next month.” The accessories are worse, because the registry lists are forty items long and most of it is for the photograph. These are the ten that earned their place across three babies, found on Amazon, and for each one I say who needs it and who does not. Three of them I would call must-haves. The rest depend on whether you pump, whether you go back to work, and how much you leak.

A note first: I am a mama, not a lactation consultant, and no accessory fixes pain, heat, a hard lump or a fever. Those are a call to your midwife today. Breastfeeding must-haves is the shorter list of what to have before the baby arrives.

1. The silicone manual pump

The Haakaa silicone breast pump is the one accessory I would hand every mama. It suctions onto the side you are not feeding from and catches the let-down that would otherwise go into a pad; in the early weeks that is an extra feed a day for the freezer, for nothing. Who needs it: everyone who leaks. Who does not: nobody I have met.

2. Disposable nursing pads, for going out

Lansinoh Stay Dry disposable nursing pads have a waterproof backing and a shape that does not show under a tee. For the changing bag, the car and the coat pocket. Who needs it: everyone, in the leaking weeks. Change them when damp, not when soaked.

3. Reusable bamboo pads, for home

Kindred Bravely organic bamboo nursing pads are softer against sore skin than disposables and cheaper over a year. Eight pairs so there are always dry ones. Who needs it: anyone leaking past the first month. Who does not: the mama who barely leaks, and some do not.

From the capsules

The Soft Landing Capsule

Twenty soft pieces, twenty-five outfits for the first weeks home, every one opening for a feed. $14.99 once, yours to keep.

See the capsule →

4. The feeding pillow

The Boppy nursing pillow brings the baby up to you instead of you hunching down to the baby, which is most of the first month’s backache. Later it is the thing the baby sits up against. Who needs it: anyone feeding on a sofa. Who does not: the mama with a firm cushion and a rolled towel, which does the same job.

5. The milk saver for the other side

The Milkies Milk-Saver sits in the bra on the side you are not feeding from and collects the let-down without suction, so it is gentler than the silicone pump for the mama with an oversupply. Who needs it: the one whose other side leaks every feed. Who does not: the one who already has the silicone pump and likes it.

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6. The pump bag, if you pump at work

A Sarah Wells breast pump bag looks like a handbag and holds the pump, the parts, a cooler and a laptop. The mamas I interviewed for the Back to Work capsule said the bag that did not look like a pump bag was the one that made the commute feel normal. The Lekebaby pump bag is the budget version with the same layout. Who needs it: the mama pumping away from home. Who does not: the one at the kitchen table, like me.

7. Steam-clean bags for the pump parts

Medela Quick Clean micro-steam bags sterilise pump parts in the microwave in three minutes, twenty uses a bag. Who needs it: anyone pumping daily who does not want to boil a pan at eleven at night. Who does not: the occasional pumper with a steriliser already in the kitchen.

8. Milk storage bags

NUK Seal n Go breast milk storage bags lie flat in the freezer, pour without spilling and have a space to write the date. Who needs it: anyone building a stash. Who does not: the mama who never pumps, and that is a fine way to do it too.

9. The changing bag that is also your bag

The Skip Hop Forma backpack is a changing bag with a laptop sleeve and enough pockets for the pads, the spare tank, the muslin and the water bottle, which are the four things that live in it. A backpack leaves both hands free, and both hands are taken. Who needs it: everyone who leaves the house. Who does not: nobody.

10. The nursing cover that is a scarf

Search nursing cover infinity scarf if you want the purpose-made one; it is a soft loop you wear as a scarf and open as a cover. A large ordinary scarf does the same for nothing and is the colour near your face as well. Who needs it: the mama who wants more than the two-layer trick on a bench. Who does not: the one who has practised the lift-and-clip once at home and found she does not.

The three I would skip

The nipple shield bought before anyone has looked at the latch; try it with a lactation consultant, not from a list. The nursing necklace, which is a thing a baby pulls. And the second pump before the first has been used a month. Buy the silicone pump, the pads and the bag; then wait for a gap to come up three days running before you buy anything else.

Ten accessories and the honest must-have list is three: the silicone pump, the pads and a bag with both hands free. The rest are for the mama who pumps, who commutes, who leaks on one side, and they earn their place only if that is you. Mamas deserve to be cared for as intentionally as their newborns, and part of that care is not buying the forty-item list.

If you are in the first weeks, the Soft Landing Capsule is twenty-five outfits for exactly this stage, built over these accessories, soft and open and dressed enough for the door, with three pictures of you in them on the house. Clothing hacks for milk leakage is what to wear over the pads. And how to pick the best nursing bra is the one accessory that goes under all of it.

Three things, both hands free. The focus is on you, mama.